COLLECTED POEMS

The search for love ceases
the moment you find the one
who speaks it loudest when your
voices are still.

Most people who have lived their lives
in the light curse the darkness
when it surrounds them.
But who, after living in darkness,
curses the coming of light?

Hand in hand,
we journey into life
and realize that because of the
love we have for each other
what is real now
was but yesterday's dream.

So often does the short distance
across a room
become an impassible abyss
when you most need to reach across it.

All that we were
all that we are
all that we can be
is first realized in silence
if we would only listen.

Though you be but a grain of sand on a beach,
a single note of a symphony,
neither the beach
nor the symphony
is complete without you.

A true friend is the only one
who in times of deepest darkness
will light their last match
to show you the way out
and risk getting stuck there alone.

I'm here
beside you
behind you
to guide you
and follow you
Always.

If I weren't able to just love you,
I would be spending the rest of my life
trying in vain to thank you
for touching my soul.

The difference between social acquaintances
and close friends is the same as that between
"See you again soon" and
"Please don't go."

The ultimate mystery about good intimate
relationships is how both people
always feel they get much more than
they give.

All of us are really dreamers --
it's just that some
are more disillusioned
than others.

To see what is truly permanent
what is truly real
One must look outward
from the deepest recesses
of the heart --
For what is seen from
any other vantage point
is but temporary
and is but an illusion.

Everyone needs a way
to gauge success in life.
Some look with pride
at a title
or a paycheck
or connections
or who knows them
or what's in the garage
for the answer.
I just look into your eyes.

It is in the silent, piercing,
soul-searching look exchanged
between lovers that life begins.

Sometimes when I tell you that
I love you, you ask me why. I've never been
much good at answering before, but I think
now I can tell you.
To love you is to knock on the door to the
innermost recesses of my heart, have you
answer it, and find you very much at home.
To love you is to know the rapture of
your every glance, your every kiss,
your every touch -- the unspeakable joy of
looking into the mirror and seeing all the
brush marks you've left as you help paint the
picture that is me.
To love you is to marvel, to wonder,
to be awed --
and yet somehow know how and why.
To love you is to create, to rise up
from my ashes, to soar, to stand securely
with open arms before you, to ache for
the next time, to become, to be changed,
to give completely, to not be afraid.
To love you is to experience
the presence of God,
to feel Her warmth and
Her all-encompassing gentle caress.
To love you is a privilege I never want to take
for granted, for that would be to strike at
my very soul.
To love you is to love life.

Time and Space
are the building blocks of the Universe.
Is it any wonder, then,
that we need to take time
that we need to give space
to build a lasting relationship?

I may not always be
everything to you,
But I will always be
everything I can be to you.

Someone asked me the other day
   to name the one person
   who had the biggest
   impact on my life.
I stopped, thought very carefully,
   and realized that
   before I met you
   I wouldn't have had an answer.

We cannot discover
the ecstasy of our personal summer
unless we first experience
the depth of our personal winter.

You touch me more deeply than
anyone else ever could.
You penetrate the deepest hiding
places in my mind and in my heart
as easily as water finds its way
to the deepest spots inside the
hardest rock.
And you do it so easily, so gently,
so lovingly, that it scares me
because even I can't get in there
like that.

Relationships are built on trust.
Not the kind that says,
"I trust you won't hurt me"
But the kind that says,
"I trust in myself."

When love finally works its way
down to the gut,
you're sure of it.

How we struggle so
with what has been
and what might be
When it is only what is now
that is.

Only when you fully realize
that this moment
is the only moment
that exists
will you truly be alive.

It used to really bother me that
I never could figure out the
reason why you love me.
But then I realized that
if it is truly love,
the question is unanswerable.

Genuine love is seen, felt, and heard best
in silence.
For it is then
that our hearts open and tell
our deepest secrets which can
only be shared by a look or a touch.

There is really only one source of
true happiness
and of true pain --
And that is love.

Giving gifts to others is a way to show
how much we love them.
Most of us go to great lengths to find
the one, perfect, flawless, just-right present,
to wrap it up beautifully,
and to give it lovingly.
We are also told that the finest gift we can give
is the gift of our self.
But how many of us inspect that gift
even half as carefully as we would
the one bought in a store?

The gifts of greatest love
are the ones hidden in the
thorns of our daily routines.

What is so amazing about loving you
is that every time
is a brand new first time.

The only thing that matters right now
   is that you and I are together
   in our souls, and in our hearts,
   and in our minds.

The deepest expression of love
that could ever be
is the soul-penetrating look
we exchange in silence.

Knowing you has really taught me
to live in the moment.
If I'd had my way,
I would have spent all my time
wondering what I should have done
or what might be
Instead of fully experiencing us.

Now that we have each other
we have a choice --
We can spend all our energy wondering why,
or we can enjoy the wonder of it all.

The hardest thing one has to do in life
is to accept that one is only human.

The mystery of us
is not that you and I are in love.
The mystery is how a person as wonderful
as you might come into my life.

Love is real
when a simple caress
becomes the transcendent joining
of souls.
Perhaps someday.

If you truly love someone,
all that needs to be said
is done in a look.

If a person comes into my life,
and, without asking a single question
knows my innermost secrets --
Then will I have found love.

If we were to never say it
unless we truly meant it,
We would only say
"I love you"
Once or twice a lifetime.

Every creative act
is a replay of
the birth of the Universe.

It is only when we let go
of our preconceived ideas of
the person who we think is right for us
that we are able to recognize
our true soul mate.

All it takes to change a life
for all eternity
Is a millisecond
of being truly loved.

The moment you say
I love you
and really mean it
and the most courageous
moment of your life.

To truly love
is to truly live.

Love is enough.

Love removes all fear.

There is no pain greater
than that felt
when love is sought
but is not found.

It may be better to have loved and lost
than to have never loved,
But it may be better
to have never loved
than to have loved and have been used.

Sometimes I wonder
what would have happened
if we had met under different circumstances.
But I have learned that
although we may not fully understand
why the timing of events in life
is not always the way we would like it,
There is something really special about
the timing that does happen.
Take us --
had the timing been different,
I'm sure we would be talking about
all sorts of ways to make us permanent.
But then, isn't that what we already have --
a permanent friendship?
You are truly one of a kind
and I feel so comfortable with you.
I'm very glad things worked out
the way they have,
for now I can always count on
having someone in my life
who loves me unconditionally for who I am.
I know I will always be able to count on you
for your kindness
and your support
and your caring
and your love.
So when I think about all that we do have
with each other,
It makes me feel so incredibly lucky
and so richly blessed
that I ever met you at all.

When we were young,
we both experienced the pain of rejection
by people that we thought
(and desperately wished)
were our friends.
We knew the hurt
of watching those we thought
care about us
walk away laughing because they had
used us once again
for their amusement.
Because of this,
we both were too scared to open up
and admit our true feelings
to anyone,
for fear that they, too, would ultimately
turn out to be just another user.
But you proved
that there still are special people in this world
who really do care
about how I feel
And just want to love me
for who I am.
You proved that I can
share my innermost secrets
And not worry
that you would use them to destroy me.
You proved that it's still worth the risk
to share myself.
Perhaps it's because you know how it feels
to be surrounded by people
and yet still want to cry out
that you are so alone
and that all you ever wanted in life
is to matter to someone.
I know, because that is me, too.
Having you in my life
means that I know whatever I do
whatever I say
I'll always find you there
with open arms
and an open heart,
just waiting to be my friend.

Only a true friend
can look at your weakness
and see only strength.

My fondest wish for you
is that someday
you'll look in the mirror
And be able to see
all the wonderful things inside you
that I do.

It is far better
to experience a friend who loves you
for only one millisecond
Than to be with a lover who is not your friend
for all eternity.

To find a true friend
is to find a travelling companion
through life.

A friend
shows you who you really are,
draws you out of your shell,
teaches you to trust,
guides you through troubling times,
liberates you from your fears,
comforts you in sorrow,
cries with your pain,
celebrates your triumphs,
hurts at your defeats,
accepts you for who you are,
loves you unconditionally,
and connects you to God.
A friend
is what I have in you.

To watch and share in the joy
of two people as they grow in love
is the rarest and most precious of privileges,
and a reminder of
what life is really all about.

You ask me why
I think you are different than
all the other people I've ever met.
You're different because
of the feeling I get when
I think of you or when we're together.
You have an intangible quality about you --
an aura of goodness
that permeates the space around you
and fills the air with an energy
that pierces like a laser into my core.
You're different because
I feel simultaneously strong
and pliant with you --
you give me confidence in myself,
yet you gently knead me
into an even better form.
You're different because
even though you sometimes speak in whispers
or just look at me in silence,
your thoughts echo in my heart
like thunder.
But most of all,
the reason that you are so different
Is that you are simply you.

The caress of my lover is around me --
I am comforted.
The kiss of my lover is upon my lips --
I am loved.
The Spirit of my lover is in me --
I am never alone.

Happiness comes only from within.

If love is supposed to
conquer all fear,
And I have people
who love me,
Then why am I so afraid?
Perhaps the answer lies
in asking
how much I truly love myself.

No one can exorcise
your personal demons
but yourself.

Whenever you are lonely
I am there with you.
Whenever you are sad
I am there to comfort you.
Whenever you are happy
I am there to share your joy.
Whenever you need a friend
I am there waiting --
For I am no further away
than right inside your heart.

Great ideas
may come from the mind
But dreams
come only from the heart.

We have a tendency
to hold ourselves to the standard
of perfection.
The problem is
that the only way to meet it
is to stop being human.

When I began this journey with you,
all I ever expected was a traveling companion.
Now that we are nearing the end
of our journey together
I want you to know
how much more I really got.
When I got you, I got the person
who opened my eyes to the beauty of creation
who opened my heart to the Spirit
who opened my soul to grace.
I got the person who is always there for me
when I am filled with doubt
and who cheers me on
when things start to click.
I got the person who, more than anyone else,
showed me what was truly missing in my life.
But it's not just you
I got during this journey --
For I truly believe that God is
looking through your eyes
and speaking through your voice
and loving through your heart.
When I began this journey with you,
all I ever expected was a traveling
companion.
But what I got was so much more --
for what I got was you, my friend.

Warmed by your smile
Held fast in your arms
Comforted by your touch
Whispered at in my ear
Feeling the beat of your heart
Is the meaning of
Love

The love of friendship is real
only when a person
looks into the secret chamber
of your heart,
sees what is most precious to you,
and cherishes it as much
as you do.
Thank you for showing me
what that is like.

Today is the anniversary
of a miracle -- you.
Of all the billions of other people
who could have been,
you were the one who was born on this day.
When I stop to think about that,
it makes me marvel all the more
at how special you truly are.
Your love, caring, gentleness,
kindness, wisdom, strength,
generosity, optimism --
everything about you is totally unique.
Remembering the miracle of your birth
also makes me realize
how lucky I am.
Of all the people on earth
whose lives you've touched,
it was mine you decided
to touch with friendship.
So it is with a deep sense of wonder
and of gratitude
that I wish
Happy birthday to a miracle --
Happy birthday to you, my friend.

It's hard for me to believe
that our time together is ending.
It seems like only yesterday
that you took the risk of approaching me
and started us off down the path
to the deep friendship we now share.
Your leaving will be hard for me.
I really looked forward to our time together
and our long talks
about anything and everything,
and the freedom
to just be myself with you.
I will sorely miss that.
But I want you to know
that I wouldn't trade anything,
even to avoid the pain of your leaving,
for the privilege and blessing of knowing you
and having you as one of my closest friends.
For even though you will be gone,
I will have you with me.
I will feel your gentleness
when I feel frazzled.
I will hear your reassurance
when I feel down.
I will know your wisdom
when I feel confused.
I will sense your love
when I feel lonely.
And I will see your smile
when I greet you in my heart.

No matter how long
we are apart
I will always know
that somewhere,
once in awhile,
You are looking up
at the very same stars
that I am
And thinking of me.

I can still taste the sweetness of your lips as
   they pressed softly against mine
I can still feel the suppleness of your hand as
   it tenderly squeezed mine
I can still smell your baby-fresh hair as
   it brushed lightly across my face
I can still hear your gentle voice as
   it whispered your innermost feelings
I can still see your loving eyes as
   they gazed deeply into my soul
As if it were yesterday.
And the memories are wonderful.
But oh, how I ache
   how I would give anything
To feel it all for real
   just one more time
   just one more time.

It's the sharpest of razor edges
between not enough
and too much.

I look inside
and find you at home
in my secret inner space.
You enter so easily,
as if you've been there before—
You know my feelings
You read my mind
You are a part of me,
and I really like that.
I have no idea where we are heading
but I know I want to be open to anything
and everything
And not hold back
Because that's the only way I'll ever know
why I've been so drawn to you.

You caress me as gently
as you would
the petals of the last rose on earth.

Into your mind
            I commend my thoughts
Into your heart
            I commend my love.
Into your soul
            I commend my spirit.

I look into your eyes, your soul
And wish with all my might
That I could really reflect back
The beauty of your self surrounding me
The depth of love protecting me
The grace and presence of God caressing me

I lie awake at 3:00 am,
   cursing my inability to sleep,
   venting at God
For having the audacity to send you
   to me now.
Why couldn't it have been at a better time?
Why now?
I feel the anger well within me.
Why now?
Silence.
In the dim, warm candleglow
All that I have is the hope, the trust
That God wants to make sure I understand
How priceless is finding my soul mate,
   my true other
And that by making it so difficult and
   so painful at times
   God is ensuring
I will never take you for granted
I will cradle you in my soul forever
And I will cherish always having you in
            the Eternal Present.

I don't know how I can ever tell you
what you've done for me.
You have opened me up to myself—
unlocked feelings and passion
that I've denied and held hostage
for so long it had become a source
of pride for me.
You have shown me parts of myself
no one has ever found
because I refused to admit they were there.
You have dismantled in weeks
the defenses it took me decades to build.
How you managed to do it I'll never understand.
What I can tell you is that because of it
I will carry you in my heart and in my soul
and in my mind
for all eternity.

Of all the things
you have done for me,
The one I cherish the most
Is how you taught
my soul to dance.

Just one touch.
A line—my line—
Between being sure and what I don’t know,
Being me and letting go,
Being careful what I feel when I want you so.
Oh how I want this to be different,
Not just another illusion,
Some delusion of the dream in my mind.
So I make sure to stay detached in the only way I
   know how.
(It’s always worked so well before.)
Yet I don’t know what to do
With you,
With you.
You feel much more than I think.
You have become the desire in my heart.
You are the passion that fires my soul.
You are the blood pulsing in my veins.
How do I, how can I detach from that?
Why do you do this to me?
I had given up all hope of ever finding you.
Yet now that you’re here
I fear
I will have to leave you
To protect you
(Or so I think),
Knowing I would always take you
Wherever I should go.
So I lie here in the dark
And in between my tears
I plead with God to help me figure out
   what to do:
Dare I really let you in
Even though I told you I don’t respond?
But my heart and soul and every fiber of my being
   screams out that this is real.
How do I begin,
Where, God, do I begin
When I’m so afraid
Of what might come from
The very first time I really let myself feel
Just one touch?

What is true love
but the reuniting of two souls
separated from each other
by birth in the flesh?

It never ceases to amaze me
how God puts special people in our lives
at just the right moment.
I am so blessed and privileged
to have you in my life.
You find my heart and my soul—
the very core of my being—
and gently caress me there.
You teach me the strength
and the wisdom and the love
and the courage and the faith
to accept life on its terms
and not to get so wrapped up in things
so that special moments are lost.
You give me healing and compassion—
for without even knowing it
you comfort my spirit and mend my soul.
You are the sunrise I see outside my window,
for you bring the spirit anew to me
each time I look into your eyes
and feel your heart and soul
connecting with mine.
God indeed put you into my life—
and you have touched me in a way
that changes me forever,
and that will let us be together
for the rest of our lives.

The hardest part of our relationship for me
is having to be apart from you so much.
I find myself thinking about you constantly,
wishing that just once
I could run in and share my daily joys
and sorrows
with you in person instead of over the phone.
But lately I've been realizing
that being apart has its advantages, too—
not because I want to be away from you,
but because it has made me realize
how truly wonderful and rare you are,
and appreciate what you have done for me
in ways I would never have known
if we had always been together.
It makes me look forward even more
to our times together,
and how I want them to be filled with
wonder, and beauty, and passion, and oneness.
Yes, the longing in my heart from being apart
from you is truly hard for me.
But it serves as a constant reminder of why,
and of how very, very much
I love you.

We are but two halves
   of the same soul
   searching for the Other
   since the beginning of time.
How fortunate, how blessed
   we are to have finally found
   each other.

I long for you—
and finally know
what that really means.

With you,
sharing one twin bed
is more than enough space.

It’s the way your body responds
   that excites me.
Your muscles tighten
   at my lightest touch.
Your breathing changes
   at the flick of my tongue.
Your pulse quickens
   with each press of my lips.
You turn yourself over to me,
   willingly,
   asking for more.
And I willingly oblige.

The desert is calling
   and I cannot refuse.
The endless shifting sands
   rolling like so many waves
   stretch endlessly in every direction.
It is so easy to lose my way.
I hunger.
I thirst.
I am empty.
The blast furnace sun, relentless
   in its skyward trek,
   beats on me mercilessly, cleansing.
My footprints have vanished.
With no evidence, do I really exist?
Who would notice if I just disappeared?
Who would care?
Would it matter?
One foot in front of the other
   is all I can manage,
   slip sliding across the sand,
   closer to where I have no clue.

For so long have I been empty,
   a hollow shell,
carrying on from day to day
   with no purpose,
   wishing I could feel
   something,
   even pain.
That, at least, would be better than
   feeling nothing
   which is what I feel now.
I reach out my hand,
   but there is no one to take it.
I cry out,
   but there is no one to hear me.
I pray for relief,
   but only loneliness greets me.
When will this end?

Over the years, I had come to doubt
the goodness and graciousness
of God.
Then you came into my life.
I doubt no more.

News flash!
I’m pursuing you—hard.
That’s right—
   I’m the aggressor this time.
There’s a first time for everything.
And who better to be my first
   pursuee
   that the woman who is
   and will always be
   the great love of my life.
Just so you’ll know,
   even if you think you have
   the fastest starship in the fleet,
   I’ll find a way to coax
   just a little more out of mine.
Because I will catch you.
That much is certain.
It’s in the Divine Plan.
But I know (and hope) you won’t
   make it too easy.
We need to have some fun during the chase.
That’s in the Plan, too.
And I know I can count on you for that.
So…
   on your mark,
   get set,
   the chase is on!

My heart is sore
   my soul aches.
My empty arms cry out in agony
   when I am not with you.
   the empty space next to me
   begs for you.
In desperation
   I clutch a pillow
   and hold it tight.
It’s not the same.
Missing is the warmth
   of your smile
   and the softness of your skin,
   and the sweetness of your lips,
   and the protection of your arms,
   and the reassurance of your voice.
I conjure you up in my mind,
   but as beautiful as that image is,
   it can’t compare to the way you really are.
I weep uncontrollably
   because I miss you.

I am so very tired.
Push, push, push.
Can’t stop.
Gotta keep going.
Don’t slow down.
Might be seen as weak.
Sleep is a myth.
Rest is only a concept.
Too much to do,
   too little time.
I get a lot done,
   much of it well.
But if I died today
   what would I have
   accomplished,
   really?

Sometimes I question
   whether being so open
   and vulnerable
   with you
   is such a good thing.
All I seem to get is
   puffy, sore eyes
   and a nag in my brain.
But then I remember
   (or is it I am reminded of)
   something I once heard
   about love.
It went something like this.
Love cannot be
   the unbreakable bond you seek
   until the giver is so fragile
   and breakable
   so as to be easily hurt
   and open to destruction.
But in that very vulnerability
   lies the secret—
   one’s Beloved simply listens
   with deepest respect
   and care
   and compassion
   and judges not.
It is then,
   and only then,
   that you feel
   and understand
   that you truly belong
   and that you are truly loved.

It used to be a house,
   this little neighborhood restaurant
   where I am tonight.
You sit smiling, lovingly, at me
   as I tell you about my day:
   my triumphs, my challenges,
   my missing you, my wonder at
      our teamwork.
I raise my glass to you
   in celebration,
   a toast to us.
I tell you how I want to be
   nibbling on your ear
   and gently caressing your body,
   and watch you as it all
   registers in your mind.
You tell me how sexy I am
   and how much you want me.
And I blush on cue.
I only wish I weren't looking
   at an empty chair
   across from me,
   that you were really here.
It would all be so very much better
   than anything I could
   conjure in my mind.

As I sit here
   in this old pew
   in an old church
   with an old janitor
   as my only companion,
   I thank God
   for Her wondrous gift
   of you.
And at just that moment
   you appear
   and kiss me
   and pray.
We are so very lucky
   to be so blessed.

In the early morning darkness
   I lie there
   wrapped around your sleeping body
   like a blanket,
   listening to you breathe,
   feeling your heart beat.
I am overwhelmed with feelings
   of love
   of protection
   of passion
   of expectation.
You stir,
   and nestle in against me
   even closer and tighter.
I move my head ever so gently
   and trace your contours,
   memorizing each nuance.
Your soft skin burns its impression
   in my mind, and stokes
   my desire.
I am so consumed
   by my need for you,
   my longing for you,
   that this dream I’m having
   is almost as good
   as the real version
   I will have
   someday.

What a glorious morning
peeking through the window
anxiously awaiting your arrival.
Conjuring images in my mind
of your silhouette
knowing your light will fill my room.
Longing for your touch
and desiring your tender kiss
to bring life back into my lonely soul.

How do you know
when true love arrives?
Will there be a receipt
along with a set of instruction?
Can one trust their feelings
when for so long you have desired
to belong to another
and become one with their soul?
They say you must trust that God is kind
and will provide what you need.
And if love is what you need
it will be there when you are ready to receive.

Being away from you
is like ripping myself in two—
Leaving half behind
and dragging the other half away.
The heart of me stays with you
so that it may serve as the homing signal
that leads me back
like a bird that returns to the nest.
My separate part yearns to return
and stays vigilant
for the announcement to board.
Reunion is restitching me
back together with you.
No sign of a tear, no seam at all—
Just one fused being
in the oneness of two.